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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28531338">To Love without Emotion</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatawkwardginger/pseuds/thatawkwardginger'>thatawkwardginger</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Developing Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Outer Space, Star Trek References, Star Trek: Into Darkness, Starfleet, Vulcan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:40:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,590</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28531338</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatawkwardginger/pseuds/thatawkwardginger</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Half-human and half-Vulcan, Commander S’chn T’gai Spock has lived his life torn between his two halves. He has neglected all emotion and committed himself to the Vulcan way of life, but always felt and longed for more. Can he maintain his composure when his world comes crashing down? When all else fails, he turns to the one person aboard who makes him feel something, Lieutenant Nyota Uhura. Together, they explore what it means to love without emotion.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Spock &amp; Nyota Uhura, Spock/Nyota Uhura</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Commander’s Log | Star Date: 2258.31</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As the commander of the USS Enterprise (NCC-1701) and under the immediate command of Captain Christopher Pike, I, S’chn T’gai Spock, have been directed to keep a daily log recording all pertinent information of our missions. Captain Pike has named me first officer; therefore, any unanticipated absence or loss of the captain will result in my immediate promotion to acting captain.</p><p>It is with hesitation that I begin keeping this log. To my knowledge, no other commander has been requested to make such a report, only captains. However, I humbly oblige and will learn with time the appropriate information to document and what is unnecessary. Until then, this log will resemble a complete tally of my daily tasks and interactions.</p><p>Today at 0523, after readying myself for duty, I was greeted by Lieutenant Uhura. Lieutenant Uhura is known for her exceptional understanding of xenolinguistics. She will be a great asset to the crew.</p><p>“Good morning, Commander.”</p><p>I smiled and nodded at her, continuing to walk to the elevator.</p><p>She turned to walk beside me. “Heading up to the bridge?”</p><p>“Yes, Lieutenant.”</p><p>“Mind if I accompany you?”</p><p>I paused and she followed, turning to face me.</p><p>“Is something wrong, Commander?”</p><p>“Lieutenant, if my memory serves me correctly, your shift is not set to start until 0730. As it is only 0525, I do not understand why you are headed to the bridge.”</p><p>She smirked and began to walk away from me. “Believe it or not Commander,” there’s something behind how she said that word. I can’t place the emotion. “I don’t have to inform you or my decision to report outside of my assigned shift.”</p><p>I remained silent.</p><p>“Allow me to rephrase then, Spock. I’m heading to the bridge. Would you like to join me in the elevator?” She gestured her hand toward the open doors. “Or are you seriously going to stand alone in the hallway and wait for the elevator to return for you?”</p><p>I joined her in the elevator and the doors closed. “Lieutenant. May I inquire as to what brings you to the bridge at this hour?”</p><p>“I could ask you the same question.”</p><p>Her reply intrigued me. In not stating her purpose, she has refused to answer a question of a commanding officer. But by inquiring as to my own purpose, she seemed curious as to my own early arrival. “Lieutenant, I—”</p><p>She held her hand out to stop me. “The elevator’s not moving.”</p><p>I turned to survey the situation. Pressing my hand to the display screen, I accessed the schematics and any warning messages for the status of the elevator. “It appears to be fully operational.”</p><p>“Allow me to inform you then that it is not.”</p><p>“Is that sarcasm?”</p><p>She almost laughed. “I’m surprised you even know the word, Spock.”</p><p>I pressed the communicator near the display monitor. “Attention. This is Commander Spock. Elevator 105A is experiencing technical difficulty. At 0524 hours, Lieutenant Uhura and I boarded—”</p><p>“Spock this is not a formal report.” She pushed me away from the communicator and continued. “The elevator broke down between decks. We’re stuck in here.”</p><p>“One moment Lieutenant Uhura and Commander Spock,” the AI retorted. “Allow me to diagnose the situation.”</p><p>We sat in silence while the diagnostics were completed.</p><p>“Apologizes Lieutenant Uhura and Commander Spock, it appears that Elevator 105A is fully operational. Please restate your concern.”</p><p>Lieutenant Uhura looked toward me and rolled her eyes. “I can assure you that the elevator is not ‘fully operational.’ Get someone from engineering here now.” She pounded the display screen until she found what she was searching for. “We appear to be stuck between decks 13 and 14. Tell engineering that all due haste is appreciated.”</p><p>“One moment Lieutenant Uhura and Commander Spock. It appears that Elevator 105A is fully operational. Allow me to contact engineering for assistance.”</p><p>The comms went silent for several minutes. Lieutenant Uhura and I followed suite.<br/>Finally, the AI came back online. “Apologizes for the delay Lieutenant Uhura and Commander Spock. I have connected you with Lieutenant Commander Montgomery Scott, chief engineer. Please do not hesitate to reach out you have any further problems. Ad Astra Per Aspera.”</p><p>The communicator beeped as it switched channels. “Aye? What the bloody time is it?” A pause. “0527? Now just who do ya think ya are waking me up so early?”</p><p>Lieutenant Uhura backed away from the communicator and gestured. “This one’s all you, Commander.” That emotion again.</p><p>“Lieutenant Commander Scott, this is Commander Spock. Lieutenant Uhura and I seem to be trapped in Elevator 105A between decks 13 and 14. The system indicates that the elevator is fully operational. Please advise.”</p><p>“Aye with the formalities lad. I’m gonna need you to hold tight for just a wee bit. None of my lads are up as of yet and as I have to pleasure of being chief engineer, I guess this one’s on me. I’ll get to ya just as soon as I can.”</p><p>“And how long might that be, Scotty?” Lieutenant Uhura asked. Scotty is such an odd name for a chief engineer. Also, it seemed strange that Lieutenant Uhura was familiar with it. From my understanding, she had not yet been formally introduced to any members of the crew as this is our maiden voyage and all of the crew are new aboard this ship.</p><p>“I’ll be there no later than 0600. Takes a wee bit to get everything in order on my end. Just sit tight lassie.”</p><p>The communicator clicked off and Lieutenant Uhura checked her watch then rubbed her head. “I’m going to be so late.” I studied her movements, intrigued by every one. She reached forward and turned on the communicator. “Attention bridge this is Lieutenant Uhura. Please inform Lieutenant Hawkins that I have been delayed due to a malfunction of Elevator 105A.”</p><p>“Copy Lieutenant Uhura. Please report as soon as you are able.”</p><p>She turned toward me. “Would you like me to tell them you’re stuck in here as well?”</p><p>I suddenly noticed that I had been staring at her for the past minute. I broke my gaze and nodded. “Yes,” I paused, then added, “please.”</p><p>“Bridge please be advised that Commander Spock will also be delayed.”</p><p>“Come again, Lieutenant? Commander Spock is not set to report until 0730.”</p><p>She turned toward me and began to smile. “Now can I ask why you’re heading to the bridge so early?”</p><p>I reached around her and began speaking into the communicator. “Bridge, this is Commander Spock. Captain Pike asked me to meet him at 0600. Please inform him when he arrives that I have been delayed.”</p><p>“Copy that Commander. Bridge out.”</p><p>With that I checked my watch. 0531. I turned my attention back toward Lieutenant Uhura who had sat down on the bare elevator floor.</p><p>“Spock, you might as well join me unless you feel like standing there awkwardly for half an hour. Which to be completely honest, seems like something you would do.”</p><p>“Lieutenant, can I ask you something?” I sat down next to her, crossing my legs underneath me.</p><p>“Spock, please drop the formalities and call me Uhura. It’s just us here.”</p><p>“Uhura,” her name brought a small smile to my lips, almost invisible. Almost. “As first officer, the captain asked me to review all personnel files prior to boarding. However, yours was incomplete. Why is that?”</p><p>She looked at me. “What do you mean by incomplete?”</p><p>“Your first name. It was redacted.”</p><p>“So, the file isn’t incomplete then. It’s just redacted. It technically contains all the necessary information.” She looked away from me and toward the floor.</p><p>“Why is it redacted?”</p><p>“My name is my own. It’s not something I give out to people readily. It’s one thing that I hold as mine and mine alone. Only my family knows my first name. That and the guy I paid off to redact it. He’s not important though.”</p><p>“So, if I were to ask what it was?”</p><p>“I’d tell you what I tell everyone else. ‘You can call me Uhura.’”</p><p>I smiled at that. “And what would it take for me to learn your name?”</p><p>“For you, Commander?” She smirked. “Let’s say a near death experience and go from there.”</p><p>I nodded. “Probably best that I never find out then.”</p><p>Her smile faded and she stared at the ceiling. “Yeah, that’s probably best.”</p><p>It has just now occurred to me that there is a word limit on these logs. In the future, I will more carefully choose what to record. The remainder of the time spent in Elevator 105A was uneventful. Lieutenant Uhura and I made it to the bridge by 0612 after the valiant efforts of Lieutenant Commander Scott.</p><p>Upon entering the bridge, I turned my attention to Captain Pike. “Apologizes for the delay, Captain.”</p><p>“Spock.” He nodded toward me. “We are receiving a distress call from Vulcan. They are being attacked by the Romulans.”</p><p>I stopped. Vulcan was being attacked. How could that happen? I feel—</p><p>**maximum word count reached**</p><p>Note: please see Lieutenant Uhura’s report from Star Date 2258.31 for more information regarding the attack on Vulcan.</p>
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<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Incident Report | Star Date: 2258.31</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Author: Lieutenant Uhura, Communications Officer<br/>Involved Parties: Vulcans, Romulans, USS Enterprise<br/>Course of Action: Undecided<br/>Deaths: Incalculable</p><p>Detailed Description of Incident: At 0519, I received a request from previous communications officer Lieutenant Hawkins to analyze a distress signal coming from Vulcan. For his own analysis, he encountered problems as he was not able to correctly distinguish between the Vulcan and Romulan languages. However, having studied xenolinguistics and received firsthand training at Starfleet Academy, I am confident in my abilities to differentiate the two languages. Because of such, Captain Pike promoted me to communications officer, effectively immediately.</p><p>Taking my place, I scanned for signals from Vulcan or the surrounding area. However, none could be detected. Cadet James T. Kirk (suspended) hypothesized this was due to an ongoing attack on the planet Vulcan. As such, Captain Pike ordered a ship wide alert and put up all shields before dropping out of warp: a decision that likely saved the lives of everyone aboard.</p><p>Upon dropping out of warp, the ongoing situation was indescribable. I’ll make my best attempts here. Dozens of Federation ships that had responded to the Vulcan distress call were entirely obliterated. Lieutenant Commander Hikaru Sulu made his best attempted to avoid any wreckage and take as little damage as possible. Looking at Vulcan, the Romulan ship had lowered a massive disk into orbit. A device that was later recorded by Lieutenant Commander Sulu as a drill. The Romulans were drilling a hole into the Vulcan core.</p><p>Instantly, the Romulan ship began targeting the USS Enterprise. We took several hits, but our shields protected us from the worst of the damage. Then the unthinkable happened. The Romulans ceased their attack on the USS Enterprise and hailed us. The Romulan Captain called Nero demanded that Captain Pike join him on the Romulan ship. He also spoke of Commander Spock and said there was something he’d like him to see.</p><p>Immediately, Captain Pike called for anyone with hand-to-hand combat training and also commanded Cadet Kirk and Commander Spock to join him in the shuttle bay. I continued to scan for any transmissions from the Vulcan surface. Any signs of life. Anything to aid in our efforts and save the Vulcan people.</p><p>A few minutes later, Commander Spock returned to the bridge and took the Captain’s chair. A shift in energy was felt across the bridge. The sudden realization that Captain Pike was submitting to the hostile’s demands in an attempt to save the Enterprise and his crew. The understanding that he may not return from the Romulan ship. The knowledge that he was risking his life so that we might live.</p><p>I hereby recommend Captain Christopher Pike of the USS Enterprise for the Medal of Valor for his acts of bravery and remarkable leadership.</p><p>As I continued to scan for any transmissions, we received notice from our away team that the Romulans launched something at the planet’s core. Instantly, navigator Ensign Pavel Chekov detected spikes in the planet’s energy, emulating that of a black hole. I looked toward Acting Captain Spock, to see any sign of emotion.</p><p>The captain ordered me to broadcast a planet wide evacuation on all channels. Captain Spock stood to leave and gave the conn to Ensign Chekov. I don’t completely know why I followed him off the bridge.</p><p>“Spock, where are you going?”</p><p>“I have to evacuate the Vulcan High Council. They will protect the Vulcan culture. And my parents will be with them.”</p><p>“Is there anything I can do?”</p><p>“See to the evacuations. Get as many people off the planet as possible.”</p><p>I nodded and returned to the bridge. Looking back, maybe I should have gone with him. Maybe I could have saved her. I guess we’ll never know.</p><p>It’s hard to know how many shuttles got off world. When I returned to the bridge, the chaos surrounding the absence of Captain Pike, Acting Captain Spock, and the entire away team lent to a very unorganized evacuation. Of course, the growing black hole in the center of Vulcan didn’t help either.</p><p>Apologizes for my bluntness on an official report. The event is still raw. I expect you will not receive a similar report from Captain Spock for some time. He may not show it, but this event has affected him emotionally. Whether he’ll withdrawal himself from command is his call, not mine. I can’t even imagine what he’s going through.</p><p>We still were not receiving any transmission from the Vulcan surface nor the Romulan ship. Since Captain Pike’s departure, everything had gone silent. The High Council informed us that none of our transmissions had reached them. Perhaps the Romulans were blocking our transmissions somehow? Future efforts should be dedicated to investigating this communication outage and any way we can overcome it. In the event of another attack, we cannot be left stranded in the dark.</p><p>About 15 minutes after the departure of Captain Spock, we received word that the Vulcan High Council had been safely transported onto the USS Enterprise. We then sat and watched Vulcan collapse in on itself. As communications officer, I rushed down to the transport bay to greet our new guests, assess their needs, and translate for the medical staff. Again, a knowledge of the Vulcan language came in handy.</p><p>When I reached the transport bay, medical staff was tending to the Vulcans. Vulcan Ambassador Sarek had been translating for the entire council.</p><p>“Greetings Ambassador Sarek.” I said in Vulcan. “I’m Lieutenant Uhura of the USS Enterprise. Is there anything that I can assist you with?”</p><p>“Thank you Lieutenant Uhura. I believe we have the current situation under control. A few council members require medical attention, but that seems to be taken care of. My son has offered to show us to somewhere we can stay for the time being.”</p><p>“Please let me know if there’s anything you or your people need, ambassador. Really, anything at all.”</p><p>“Thank you, Lieutenant.”</p><p>I left the transporter bay and turned toward the bridge. However, in an adjacent room, I saw Captain Spock sitting on the floor, staring off into the distance. As this is an official report, I’ve chosen to not divulge the details of our conversation.</p><p>*A notice to chief medical officer, Lieutenant Commander Leonard McCoy: If you have time, please research how Vulcans respond to the concept of therapy or if anything similar exists in their culture. They’ve just experienced a life altering event and the results may be catastrophic on their emotional well-being. I’d be happy to assist in your efforts and offer any knowledge of the Vulcan culture that I can. Please inform me if this is something you’d like to pursue.*</p><p>After my conversation with Captain Spock, we returned to the bridge in silence and he took the conn from Ensign Chekov. Captain Spock informed us that the away team would be returning to the Enterprise shortly and we would make every effort to reconvene with Starfleet prior to taking any action against the Romulan Empire or the rogue, Nero.</p><p>Again, I’ll note that despite Captain’s Spock seemingly unphased demeanor, he just witnessed the collapse of his home world and nearly every Vulcan. While it is typical in the Vulcan culture to cast aside all emotion and approach every situation from a logical stance, they still feel emotion to my understanding. How they process that emotion is far different than any human can comprehend. Also, given that Spock is half-human, his grasp of the event will most certainly hit differently than the other Vulcans now aboard. As a friend, I’m concerned for Spock. He holds himself to a higher standard than any human but yet seems to be separate from the Vulcans. He refuses to confront or address his emotion. From a human standpoint, not good. From a Vulcan standpoint, unknown.</p><p>I am hereby recommending that Captain Spock relieve himself from command until he has time to process the loss of Vulcan. Spock, if you read this, please know that I’m here if you need to talk. Both as a friend and someone who understands Vulcan culture. But mostly a friend. Please don’t shut me out.</p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Incident Report | Star Date: 2258.31</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Author: Commander Spock, Acting Captain<br/>Involved Parties: Vulcans, Romulans, USS Enterprise<br/>Course of Action: Rendezvous with Starfleet<br/>Deaths: (unintelligible)</p><p>*draft deleted*<br/>_____________________</p><p>Incident Report | Star Date: 2258.31</p><p>Author: Commander Spock, Acting Captain<br/>Involved Parties: Vulcans, Romulans, USS Enterprise<br/>Course of Action: Rendezvous with Starfleet<br/>Deaths: Far too many</p><p>Detailed Description of Incident: She’s dead. My mother is—</p><p>*draft deleted*<br/>_____________________</p><p>Incident Report | Star Date: 2258.31</p><p>Author: Commander Spock, Acting Captain<br/>Involved Parties: Vulcans, Romulans, USS Enterprise<br/>Course of Action: Rendezvous with Starfleet<br/>Deaths: Unknown</p><p>Detailed Description of Incident: I am now part of an endangered species. This should elicit an emotional response from me, should it not? My mother is dead. She died because of me. This should elicit an emotional response from me, should it not? An unknown hostile claiming to be acquainted with me just murdered every Vulcan except the high council and those fortunate enough to have access to a space shuttle. This should elicit an emotional response from me, SHOULD IT NOT?</p><p>Purge all emotion, he says. Ignore what you are feeling, he says. Know that she loved you…he says. How can I know that she loved me if I refuse to allow myself to feel that same emotion? How does being logical in a situation like this make sense? How does neglecting half of myself make me *feel* any better? Yes I am Vulcan. But I am also half-human. And it is that half that mourns. That feels. That cries. It is that half that I lost today, so why should I not have a gaping hole where my heart is?</p><p>Why am I not allowed to feel?</p><p>*draft deleted*<br/>_____________________</p><p>Spock landed in the transport bay with his right hand extended. He refused to move. Refused to breathe. His face mirrored what he was feeling—nothing. He couldn’t process what just happened. Couldn’t allow time to continue. Couldn’t move from that moment. It would only make the pain he felt worse.</p><p>He refused to feel anything at all. His years of training instantly kicked in. Shoving aside all emotion and approaching the situation logically. The Vulcans had been obliterated. Their home world gone. Their culture decimated. The entirety of the Vulcan species was now preserved aboard the USS Enterprise, save a few hundred Vulcans living off-world.</p><p>Spock attempted to tabulate next steps. To determine the best course of action. To find a new home for the Vulcans and bring retribution upon those responsible. But he couldn’t think at all. Time was solid, he decided. And he was being forced through it.</p><p>Sarek looked toward his son, seemingly frozen in time, and decided against approaching him. Spock would move on in his own time: He always did. It was the human side of him that he had to conquer. Sarek knew it had always been a challenge for Spock, and now he faced the greatest challenge of all. Did Sarek mourn his wife? Of course he did. But to be Vulcan was to choose to not embrace that emotion and rather move past it. That was what he was used to. That was what he tried to teach his son to do. It rarely ever worked. Spock was the ultimate combination of human and Vulcan: His mind was perfectly Vulcan; however, his heart was imperfectly human.</p><p>Sarek analyzed the situation in the transport bay and translated between medical staff and the remainder of the Vulcan high council. They all moved as if their world had not been decimated. But it had. And Spock would feel it even if the high council refused to.</p><p>Finally, as if waking from a bad dream, Spock slowly lowered his arm. He looked toward his father, who simply nodded at him. Spock opened his mouth to speak, but the words refused to form. He knew that as the acting captain, he should greet his guests. And as part Vulcan, he should honor the high council. But he simply could not.</p><p>Instead, he turned toward the door and walked out. Sarek addressed the council and apologized for his son’s behavior.</p><p>“It’s the human side of him,” Sarek said in Vulcan. “It will take time, but he’ll process this.” He paused.  “Just as well all must.”</p><p>Spock attempted to head to the bridge. He knew there was work to be done, especially with Captain Pike’s absence, and he was acting captain. He could not allow his emotions to cloud his judgement. He could not allow his emotions. He could not allow. He could not.</p><p>Spock turned into an adjacent room and collapsed like a dying star. No. He collapsed like a black hole at the center of Vulcan. He could not carry the weight of this *thing*. It made no sense to him. He had never felt anything this overwhelming before. He had never felt *this* before. He couldn’t place the emotion. He was unsure that it even had a name.</p><p>He sat there, completely silent and unmoving, for what felt like hours. This was the end, he decided. The end of every emotion he had ever neglected to feel. They had merged in him and dissolved into the void. They were all at once and then no more. Spock decided he would never feel again.</p><p>Uhura turned into the room and witnessed the scene: Spock sitting against the wall, perfectly still. She waited for him to move, to blink, to breathe. She waited for any sign of life from the man that she cared about, even if she refused to admit it. But no sign came. He was perfectly stoic, yet an imperfect disaster.</p><p>She approached him, slowly, and sat down next to him, waiting to speak. They sat in silence, which allowed Spock to fully realize that Uhura had joined him. The one person he was truly intrigued by. And yet, he couldn’t bring himself to acknowledge her. He wanted to—oh how he wanted to—he wanted to tell her everything.</p><p>But he couldn’t. That part of him—that humanity—was gone. He was unsure if it would ever return. He had chosen when he was young to commit to the Vulcan way of life and set aside all emotion. Was this his retribution?</p><p>“S’chn T’gai.” Uhura whispered into the silence.</p><p>Spock paused. Contemplating what Uhura had just uttered. “Wh—what? What did you just say?”</p><p>She repeated it. “S’chn T’gai. Your family name, right?”</p><p>He looked toward her and nodded. “No human other than my, my mother” he paused, the word falling off his tongue. “She’s the only human to ever pronounce it. And it took her years to master. How did you—”</p><p>“Truthfully, I’ve never attempted to say it aloud. But” she smiled at him, “I figured today would be the best day to try it out.” She stopped, contemplating her next words carefully.</p><p>“Tell me what you’re feeling.”</p><p>Spock shook his head. “Uhura, I have no clue how to feel this. It is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. It’s numb and overwhelming at the same time. I can’t even place the emotion.”</p><p>She turned to face him. “Then show me.” She gently grabbed his hand and put it to her face.</p><p>“Uhura please. No one should have to feel this.” He began to pull his hand away but as he did she placed hers gently on his knee.</p><p>“You don’t have to feel this alone. Please,” she whispered, almost inaudible. “Show me.”</p><p>Spock closed his eyes and established the connection between himself and Uhura. A mind meld would allow her to experience what he saw and transfer all emotion he was feeling. There was no way to gauge it: Everything that he was feeling she would feel to the fullest extent. Everything.</p><p>Tears began rolling down Uhura’s face. That was Spock’s cue to break the connection. He slowly lowered his hand from her face and waited. Waited for her to storm out and hate him for what he just put her through. He knew what she was feeling, and there was no physical way to process it—at least, none that he knew of.</p><p>Finally, as the emotion dwindled from Uhura, she calmed and looked at Spock. Her eyes sparkled under the tears and Spock noticed her beauty for the first time. She was breathtaking—not just her beauty but her dedication and support. Spock hadn’t experienced that from anyone other than his mother. It made no sense to him, but he decided that maybe it didn’t have to. Maybe this one thing could defy logic. Maybe, just maybe, he was allowed to be human with her.</p><p>“Are you…alright, Uhura?”</p><p>A pause. Neither of them moved. They sat there in silence, feeling the weight of Vulcan on their shoulders. The weight that Spock now had to carry.</p><p>Finally, Uhura stirred, just slightly. A faint smile sat on her lips: Not one of happiness or joy but one of belonging. For the first time, she finally understood Spock. Finally knew how he felt for her. The unspoken had been spoken—well felt—through the mind meld, and there was no going back.</p><p>“Nyota,” she corrected.</p><p>Spock didn’t respond. He didn’t understand what she had said. The power and gravity behind it. Only her family knew her name. Giving him her name was a sign of significance—an invitation.</p><p>A single tear dropped from her eye. “My name is Nyota.”</p><p>Spock sat dumbfounded. Why had she told him this? Before, she had said life or death. But now? What was different about this moment? “I don’t understand.”</p><p>“Neither do I. Spock, why didn’t you tell me she died?”</p><p>“I assumed it was not relevant. As Vulcan, I am meant to process everything logically. To care for one life over the lives of everyone that was lost…felt illogical.”</p><p>“That’s the definition of love, Spock. You are allowed to feel, to mourn those you lost. Especially those closest to you.” She hesitated but decided to continue. “You have to embrace your humanity, or you will lose yourself, and everyone you care about. Don’t be afraid to face your fears. It just takes a leap of faith.”</p><p>“Faith?”</p><p>“Yes, Spock. Love is faith.” Nyota stood and offered her hand to Spock. After a few moments, he took it.</p>
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